EPISODE 165
Pathological Demand Avoidance: The Lived Experience, with Kendahl Damashek
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Show Notes
Barry and Dave speak with Kendall Damashek, a parent coach and expert on the topic of PDA. Kendall shared her personal and professional insights into PDA, explaining it as a survival drive for autonomy and equality rather than a pathology. She discussed the physiological and nervous system responses that individuals with PDA experience, emphasizing that these are not conscious choices but reactions to perceived threats to autonomy. Kendall addressed common misconceptions, such as labeling PDA behaviors as oppositional or defiant, and highlighted the importance of understanding the internal experience of those with PDA, and she provided practical strategies for parents and caregivers, including giving more autonomy, fostering equality, providing nervous system safety, and lowering demands.
Featuring
Kendahl Damashek
Kendahl Damashek is the Director of Content and Curriculum and a Parent Coach at At Peace Parents, a neurodiversity-affirming organization training parents, grandparents, therapists, teachers, and others to understand and support PDA children and teens around the world. She brings a unique perspective as a PDA Autistic mother raising four PDA children ages 10 and under, extensive coursework in psychology and neuroscience with a B.A. from Amherst College, and has directly supported hundreds of families through her coaching work at At Peace Parents. Kendahl specializes in supporting families of “2E” (gifted and PDA) children and has spoken on PDA at the Neurodiversity Ireland conference at Trinity College Dublin, AANE, and Jowonio Preschool. She has authored writing on PDA for AANE and been interviewed on the I Have ADHD podcast.
Learn more about At Peace Parents
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…and Continue the Discussion
Do you have a book or podcast club? If so, you may use this discussion guide to facilitate a conversation about this episode.
1. According to Kendahl, what might be underneath the “avoidance” of what is perceived as demands? How does understanding PDA as a response to anxiety, loss of autonomy, or feeling overwhelmed change the way we interpret and respond to demand avoidance?
2. How can we support autonomy while still meeting necessary expectations?
What are some ways parents, educators, employers, or other supporters can reduce power struggles and create more collaborative approaches when a person is resisting a demand?
3. What assumptions about behavior might we need to reconsider?
After listening to Kendahl’s experiences and perspectives, what behaviors might we have previously viewed as “defiant,” “unmotivated,” or “manipulative” that could have a different meaning—and how might that change our response?
What are some ways parents, educators, employers, or other supporters can reduce power struggles and create more collaborative approaches when a person is resisting a demand?
After listening to Kendahl’s experiences and perspectives, what behaviors might we have previously viewed as “defiant,” “unmotivated,” or “manipulative” that could have a different meaning—and how might that change our response?
HOSTED BY
Barry Prizant, Ph.D., CCC-SLP
Dr. Barry Prizant is a speech-language pathologist with more than 50 years experience as a researcher and international consultant for autistic and neurodivergent individuals and their families. He is an Adjunct Professor of Communicative Disorders at the University of Rhode Island and Director, Childhood Communication Services (a private practice). Previously, he served as Associate Professor in the Department of Psychiatry in the Brown University School of Medicine, and held a tenured professor appointment at Emerson College. Publications include 5 books, most notably Uniquely Human: A Different Way of Seeing Autism (2015; 2022) and The SCERTS Model manuals, an educational approach implemented in more than a dozen countries. He has published 150 scholarly chapters and articles and serves on numerous professional advisory boards for journals and professional organizations. Barry has presented more than 1000 seminars and keynote addresses internationally, including two invited presentations at the United Nations for World Autism Awareness Day. His career contributions have been recognized with honors from Brown and Princeton Universities, the Autism Society of America and the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association.
Visit Barry’s website here
Uniquely Human, the book (Updated and Expanded edition!)
Dave Finch
Dave Finch is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir, The Journal of Best Practices: A Memoir of Marriage, Asperger Syndrome, and One Man’s Quest to Be a Better Husband. As a writer and creative consultant, his work has appeared on ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, NPR, SiriusXM, The New York Times, Rolling Stone, The Howard Stern Show, and the award-winning Netflix series, Atypical. Based in Denver, Dave’s company, Elevated Studio, produces this podcast and other recognized series.
Visit Dave’s website here
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